Tricks of the Mind: I Was Thinking My Feelings

I’ve always been a very cerebral person, relying primarily on my intellect to achieve my goals and solve problems I encounter. For a very long time, I equated the mind with myself. I viewed the body as a vehicle that just carries my mind. But as I started getting more in touch with my feelings, I also started paying more attention to my body—and began to realize that it’s so much more than just a vehicle. The body has it’s own wisdom.

Recently I decided to pay more attention to what my body tells me—and soon caught my mind pretending to be my body. 

When you bring mind, body, and soul in harmony, when you connect the different parts within you, then you also become whole and feel more connected with everything around you. 

[00:00:00] SE: I went to a coffee shop and I have coffee and I started having all these insights and ideas and even like word plays and all these things, my mind was hyper creative and I’m writing down all this stuff and the moment I finished something and I think, Aw, cool. I’ll discuss this with our mean tonight.

[00:00:17] This is kind of a cool idea. The next thing comes up in a right and a right. And I’m like, oh, and more and more. And at first it felt very satisfying. And then at some point I stopped again and I went, wow, my mind is hyper active right now. And it’s trying too hard. It’s working too hard. It’s too eager to reconfirm its position in the hierarchy to give me great things.

[00:00:48] Push me and stimulate me in cognitive ways.

[00:00:51] RA: some fascination to pull you in.

[00:00:54] SE: And I thought, you know, I really love like all the great insights I love when I [00:01:00] have new ideas. I love all that shit right there. Like that’s my fuel. That’s what I’m basing my life on. I was thinking no one step at a time, like there’s a never ending unlimited source of creativity.

[00:01:16] That in the right state of mind and in the right pace can be always access this little story that if I don’t tell it it’s gone and no other story equally, or even better could ever come up again. There’s not a scarce resource and I don’t have to have all the insights and all the faults today. Right. I don’t have to have like all of the insights today just really.

[00:01:41] My mind kept going like the entire, like, almost the entire day till a couple of hours ago. It’s just one thought after the other one idea, after the other one inside up after the other, it’s just like relentless. Um, and I really had to take a [00:02:00] moment to ask myself before I let my mind or body or soul or.

[00:02:08] me into the day. What is the theme of the week? What do I really need to be mindful and aware of the next couple of days? And what popped up for me was, like rest and digest, a lot has happened over the last couple of days. The weekend was very intense, very, very intense for me. Um, And so it’s not time to think all the thoughts and do all the actions and change all the changes and like attack all the it’s time to like give, give it some space and time for me to digest all this at the right pace and to calmly go and flow, but not rush [00:03:00] anywhere.

[00:03:00] Right. And that was the, that was a very important reminder this morning because it restructured my day and it was a really helpful compass as I was spending my time, how to spend it and in what direction. And so I made, I think some very different choices that I would have made with a little less awareness.

[00:03:27] This morning, because this morning I had so many insights and I want to do so much stuff. Like I had like all this things I wanted to do with training of this, that, and the other. And then I remember wait, today’s not the day, the last day of my life, where I need to do everything. And I finish all the unfinished work of my life.

[00:03:45] Like I need to like, take it simple and slow and calm. And do like what is really important to they do the one or two important things. And then how can I digest the [00:04:00] last time? Like, what do I need to digest? And so I spend a lot more time in quiet and contemplation. I spent a lot of time walking through nature, listening to the rum dos and, um, east forest collaborative album.

[00:04:17] That one song I am loving. That was such a powerful song during my MDME therapy session. And I love that. Like it put me in a really. It was playing during a really beautiful moment. So it was, I put the headphones on and I put that song on loop and it was walking through the river and the forest around here and with that music and the lighting through the trees and the water, like hearing this like mantra of, I am loving awareness, just walking through everything, trying to just be fully aware of all and loving of all super nice.

[00:04:56] It was, felt so great. Like I was walking for an hour or two and it was like, [00:05:00] Hm. It was really beautiful and it felt right. It felt like, ah, this is what I need right now. Right. I don’t need to go to boy tie and BJJ and gym lifting and finish a difficult contract negotiations. This is what I need read.

[00:05:18] This is this right now. and.

[00:05:22] I had a, a couple of nice conversations at a, a beautiful Storytime with my kids today. I did a live call with them, tell them a story, and then they wanted a story about. Like something spooky again, like post Halloween story. And I’d sent them an image once a picture of this gigantic eyeball that is in Dallas.

[00:05:47] That was kind of right next to my hotel. And I could see that in a park and it looks kind of creepy and I sent them a picture. And so they wanted a story of that creepy eye and.

[00:05:59] [00:06:00] I, you know, I didn’t think about what the story would be. This was, it was one of those times where the story was telling itself through me. And I was hearing every word as I was saying it, and I did not know where the story would go until I was there. And this has happened a couple of times over the years with the kids, but it’s rare.

[00:06:24] It’s not always. Oftentimes, I’ll get to some parts, be surprising to me, but other parts I’m like always ahead of the story in my mind, I know where I want to go. And many times I know the whole story before I start telling it, like, I’ve thought it quickly through before I go. But this was one of those rare times where the story just, I did not know what I was saying.

[00:06:45] It’s just, it was just happening. Um, and then it in its own way, it connected obviously with my life and. And a larger patient and has like, had sort of a beautiful message in [00:07:00] it. Um, that’s also why I wrote to you. I started because at the end of that, I felt like, oh, this was a special thing with my children.

[00:07:12] I don’t know. Or think that it’s necessarily a story that on its own might be something that everybody has to hear, but, um, It was a beautiful thing, like a beautiful thing to have happened. Um, so I told them that then I called my mom and it seems like all we FTEs are doing everything in parallel these days.

[00:07:46] Like I call him my mother and she’s like, oh, uh, your. Yeah. I wanted to watch television to watch my Greek shows and television, but the [00:08:00] Greek, uh, TV stations on working on my TV set anymore. And I’m sitting here and I’m like not feeling that great. And, and then she says, because I just had a really difficult conversation and I just didn’t want to think or read or talk.

[00:08:17] I just wanted to. Distract myself for the rest of the evening. And then tomorrow think about it some more. And I didn’t ask her, well, what was it? What is going on mother? Tell me you don’t seem right. I just waited for her to decide what she wants to do. And she was like, yeah, well, because you know, I talked to my life partner and.

[00:08:45] You know what happened. And then she told me though, a story where basically they ended it at the end of the call. Right. And I was thinking like, something must be in the water because all these, like this all happens in [00:09:00] little waves, very, very, very parallel lines, uh, between the four of us. Um, And then she talked and talked and talked and talked and told me kind of everything that had happened.

[00:09:14] And honestly, for a moment I started losing patients. Right. I sort of started not feeling that well anymore. And there was almost a feeling of like, I feel so sensitive still in soul, kind of like in a mood. I don’t have the strength to hear her. You know, all like, and she was repeating a lot of things and all that.

[00:09:39] I’m like, I feel, I feel a little uncomfortable now. I want to interrupt her and tell her what I really think is going on. Like, oh, because I already got what happened in that conversation. And then I thought of mobile. Right. And I’m like, what would Momo do cover. Mobile would no more would heal [00:10:00] my mom just by how good she’s listening.

[00:10:03] I’m like, oh my God, but I’m not mobile right now. Do I? How do I do this? and then I thought,

[00:10:11] I really don’t have to do much. I just need to love my mother right now. Like I don’t have to speak or have a solution also don’t need to let her words or her pain. I need to carry that in some way. I don’t need to hold that. I just need to just feel my love for my mother right now and then see what happens next.

[00:10:35] And so I did that for a little bit. Uh, And then once you finally had kind of said everything and quieted down a little bit, um, I just told her first and foremost, like how proud I am of her. I was like, yeah, love is difficult. But you know, [00:11:00] I am so incredibly proud, like a woman. You know, a woman at your age to go through what you’ve gone through, to live a whole life a certain way, and then to dare to love again and be relationship.

[00:11:14] And then they have to be hurt and deal with all this. This is not easy. And I, like, I never saw, never realized as much as I realize now how amazing you are and like how courageous you are. Like once you knew, you know, No matter how many fears and how many doubts and how many hesitations you have, you still move forward.

[00:11:38] And, we talked a little bit about

[00:11:41] my experience on Saturday and no worries.

[00:11:46] Had a good conversation where I didn’t say anything about her specific situation or what he said, what she said and what she suspect is going on and what I have opinions, obviously I like, uh, immediately some [00:12:00] impulses of like, this is really what’s going on. And like, you’re thinking this, and this is too dramatized.

[00:12:06] It’s not that difficult to see. Was one of those conversations where I felt like all she really needs is like some love and some support and encouragement, and she can figure things out on their own. Like she will figure it out. She’s just in a terrible state right now. So let’s just share love in whatever way I can so she can feel better and stronger, more.

[00:12:38] And not in this terrible state that she’s at give her the solutions that she won’t understand or won’t agree with, or won’t be able to do anything with. Um, and that was nice. We had a really beautiful conversation,

[00:12:54] one thing that’s really stayed with me and that I now

[00:12:59] [00:13:00] see play itself out in a lot of little ways, and it’s very enlightening to experience. This is realization. Of my core, one of my core fears and how my mind is utilizing that to influence behavior, right? Um, this realizing recently that the unknown is a big fear, that there’s something in my spirit that urines for the unknown that seeks it, that.

[00:13:33] To enter new territory, to have adventure, to explore, to change, to grow always wants new territory, but my mind is terrified because when there is the blackness of new territory, the unknown, it has to think about all potential scenarios and arrive at the worst case to know what the worst case outcome could be.

[00:13:56] The worst. Cause outcome is always too bad to [00:14:00] bear. And then my mind. It’s trying to stop me from doing that. Now my mind has learned long ago that you cannot directly scare me away from something. Not because I’m not scared, but because I’m too stubborn to allow that to stop me. Like if I was wanting to jump off an airplane and skydive, let’s say in my mind is terrified.

[00:14:28] If my, if my mind had the, all these like images of me falling and dying and researching statistics of how many skydivers dying and if I then consciously thought, oh my God, I think I’m afraid of doing it. Maybe I shouldn’t do it. That I would never accept as a valid reason to then stop and not proceed with where I want to go.

[00:14:50] Never, not in a million years. So my mind adapted. Because that’s what minds do. That’s what humans do and came up with a [00:15:00] much subtler strategy to fight this right. Or to have influence have played in it, which is instead of trying to directly scare me, it indirectly sabotages me into a state where I will want to do less than.

[00:15:18] Right. So it starts to worry about totally different things. More. It starts to make slightly worse decisions. All let’s pick up the chocolate or carbs, let’s say, go to bed a little later. Let’s, uh, you know, not go to a sports, let’s not finish this thing. Let’s not do that. Let’s be hyper-critical with yourself and with others.

[00:15:41] And then through all that, Criticalness and all the little bad decisions. Now you’re really like worried and critical about yourself and everybody around you, which then makes you a new worst state. And then eventually you feel so bad that you’re so handicapped that you think, [00:16:00] well, I broke my leg, I broke my arm.

[00:16:02] Maybe I shouldn’t skydive. It’s that sort of thing. I feel so bad. I’m not even in the mood of signing up for the sky diving or anything right now. I should like, I’m not in. In a state to do anything or to make decisions. I can make a big decision because I just don’t feel ready to make a decision in this state.

[00:16:20] And I’ve never experienced it like this. And since I’ve had that aha moment now in so many little ways, I hear a voice that’s whispering to me. And then I go. Isn’t that interesting. What, what is that voice trying to accomplish here? Huh? And I, oh, it’s almost four. Let’s see if it sustains, but for the moment, it’s almost like I found the frequency of that sender.

[00:16:58] Right. But now I’m tuned [00:17:00] into the radio station of this strategy. I found this. And now anytime they speak over the walkie talkie, I’m like, motherfucker, why don’t you say Steli feel really shitty. So you don’t do this unknown, scary thing. Fear really shitty. How about some chocolate? And I’m like, what the fuck is wrong with you?

[00:17:20] What is this? Right. Um, and it’s interesting because for a long time, when people talk to me about like, what is your biggest fear? It was always a difficult question for me to answer. Because I did not know that was not something very concrete that I could sense is a big fear. Of course, like conceptual things like my children, the health of the people I love.

[00:17:42] Like I want everybody to be helpful. These things were like, all I’ll always worry. So fuse, but not in a sense that I feel them daily or it really influences my behavior. Well, my God, this morning I worked more because I’m afraid of my children or something like that. Nothing like that. And no thing like high, actually, anything that’s [00:18:00] really risky.

[00:18:00] High speed, high Heights. I find exciting. I actually, yeah, of course I’m scared, but I’m kind of like edging to it. I like it. You should see Anthony when I’m close to an edge of like a, a big rock and looking down. He cannot look at it. He’s really uncomfortable. He kept in Utah telling me how big of an idiot I am.

[00:18:19] And I kind of enjoyed how much it was freaking about. Cause I liked looking down to the abyss. There’s something about it that I find enlivening and exciting. So there’s nothing monsters that I don’t know, like, like a certain thing I’m very aware of that is a big scare. Um, And I’ve never thought about the unknown as something.

[00:18:40] I mean, I don’t know. I always suspect that that I’m afraid of change. Everybody’s afraid of change. And I knew that I want to change. So there’s probably some conflict there, but, um, only when I did the ifs meditation, where it was about what are all the parts that are involved in a specific conflict in your life right [00:19:00] now?

[00:19:00] What are the arguments, these different parts and you have, and how they’re talking to each other. Did I realize and see and feel clearly that one of the parts that was very, very worried, it was hyper negative and was like, we shouldn’t do this. It’s going to be a huge regret. Dah, dah, dah, dah. I asked the question, well, what do you think is going to happen if we go with the opposite position of yours and the parts that I don’t know, like it’s totally, I know what’s gonna happen.

[00:19:27] And that’s the problem. And then I was like, huh, that’s interesting. It doesn’t know. But why is it? Does it make you such a huge drama, but he doesn’t really know, like that’s, that’s, that’s interesting. Like what is so terrifying of the unknown? And he’s like, well, here is the absolute worst case scenario that is encompassed in the unknown.

[00:19:52] And I have to make sure that that never happens well, but there’s a million other options that also can be unknown. Not just that one. It’s like, well, [00:20:00] but my job is to stop that one from happening. Isn’t that interesting. Um, and then the other thing that happened the last few days that I now experience at the moment very differently, and I have almost a different sort of awareness for is the,

[00:20:22] I don’t know how to say it. Maybe the quality of my mind. the, the energy of my thoughts, just instead of just thinking thoughts or having thoughts being thought through me, like instead of just hearing the ideas, the thoughts, the voices, there is a sort of sensing how healthy the mind is while it’s communicating to me.

[00:20:48] Do you use that as a metaphor? Not healthy in a physical way, but healthy. Oh, it’s interesting. I have a million ideas right now. I could typically, my pattern would [00:21:00] be to get very excited about having ideas. I like having ideas. I like being creative. I like writing down lots of cool stuff that I could talk on the podcast about.

[00:21:10] I love that shit. And when it happens, I don’t remember. At Davis year where I had that much output, like I wrote pages and pages. I couldn’t stop. I put away the book and drink coffee and just try to like relax for a second. And again, like a thing would come up, oh shit, let me write it down. Pages and patients’ pages.

[00:21:30] I would love it. I would tell everybody today was the best day ever. And this was so amazing. But today I could sense there’s too much going on here. This is too much. It’s a place of nervousness, a place of,

[00:21:45] RA: Like a distraction maneuver.

[00:21:47] SE: yeah, it’s distracting. It’s maybe impressing it’s maybe recapturing power. Right? So when I get to a state where I go, I, I love the thinking mind like this.

[00:21:58] There’s nothing bad [00:22:00] about the thinking mind. The thinking mind is a beautiful sword to reel the hammer to swing. When you want to build worlds of destroy things, right. Or kill problems or dangerous. Beautiful. But not when the person that holds the sword of the hammer is sick blind and has vertigo. Right.

[00:22:22] Then it’s actually endangering that person that everyone around them. Right. So first I need to make sure that the spirit, the heart, the body are healthy, that. When you’re not sleeping well, when you wake up and you’re not nourishing your body with the, with the nutrients, it needs to run to have energy.

[00:22:50] When you sit in a terrible position in terrible lighting in front of a terrible screen on your complete tension, you won’t be able to have [00:23:00] any beautiful thoughts, any creative flowing energy solutions in your mind, nothing grateful. All your thoughts will look like, you know, they will look like your body feels so being aware that first you have to nourish the soul, the heart and the body.

[00:23:19] And then from a strong place, you can pick up the mind, the sword, the hammer, and build worlds and create shit and do things and think thoughts that is the. of the order versus to wake up in the morning and be like, you know, the mind should decide everything we do, including what the body needs, the spirit, the mind, the heart needs, the bike makes all the solution carries all the responsibility.

[00:23:50] And then the mind is a terrible place to make decisions of the heart or to make decisions of the. [00:24:00] That’s another thing that I had an aha moment last year when I did the MTMA cell therapy session and I had this like realization of the beautiful power of the body, that the body’s sort of the manifestation of mother earth, energy reimburse us.

[00:24:16] Every moment. It gives us life. Every breath, it pumps out hard like the physical shape and form and capsule of the bodies. What is. The ship in which we are alive, right. Which we are born into and the body is telling us the truth in every moment of our life, the body only knows. The body loves unconditionally in every moment.

[00:24:44] Every cell in our body is conspiring towards making us healthier, making us feel better, giving us more energy, anything the body can do. I’m going to how terrible we treated, no matter how much we work against it, it relentlessly forever works as hard as it [00:25:00] can to keep us healthy, to re plenty, to show us, to restructure us to, to, you know, heal the wounds.

[00:25:10] And to renew the cells and the body’s tells the truth to ourselves in every moment, because in this moment, if you can just sit still and be fully aware of your body, you will feel what is going on in your life and how you truly feel in this moment is what is going on in your life in a smaller, in a big way.

[00:25:35] And everyone else arounds. You just has to sense your body to know what the truth is about you. Your body language always says the truth in my body, my eyes, my census will pick up on that truth that your body is telling me no matter what your mouth and your mind is trying to, you know, [00:26:00] distract me with.

[00:26:01] The body’s always telling the truth. The body always only knows love and life and never, ever gives up till the very last moment, right. Until there’s nothing there to do anymore. When I went through that experience, that powerful experience of how incredible the body is and how important it is. It’s not just a vehicle that drives the mind from place a to place B.

[00:26:26] It’s not like your. It is not a separate thing. The mind is everything in the body, you know, and it’s, I mean, it’s the, I have to deal with it, but it’s not who I am, who I am is my mind when I realized how flawed that way of life had been. One interesting thing I’d experienced was how my mind was trying to trick me into believing that it was my bad.

[00:26:56] So the mind, again, adapts so beautifully. So the mind was [00:27:00] like, well, if now the body’s more important, let me just speak in a way that will make you think it’s the body. So I resume all the shares of this pie chart, her responsibility. Right. So, and then the mind started going, ah, I think, I think we should drink.

[00:27:16] I think the body needs drinking. That’s the message we are receiving right now. And I thought, oh, my body wants water. And then I was. Where did that come from? Was that, did that come from my mouth from a taste that they come from? Some kind of an impulse? No, it was words in my mind, speaking that to me, I’m like, that’s not the body.

[00:27:35] Right. You have to listen to the body. Um, and the way it speaks to use through sensations and emotions, not through words, right? Not through clear spoken words, usually at least not. And then this time around, I had a.

[00:27:51] I had a very similar experience where at times the mind is trying to convince me that [00:28:00] it’s my soul or my heart or my body saying things. And we all have that. Like sometimes we’re like, oh, I, I think I should be taking better care of my body. Hmm. I wonder what does my body need? And then let me go to my mind.

[00:28:17] And the mind is like, well, we could go to the gym, we could drink a protein shake. We could make a solid, we could go on a run outside. It would be good to go to the seat. I heard cold bass are good. My friend is doing this new routine and we have thoughts, thoughts, thoughts, thoughts. And then out of all these fucking thoughts, we’re like all let’s pick some random thought and do it and hope for the best.

[00:28:38] We meet somebody and then their mind is like, well, here’s all the things I think you should be doing and your body needs. And you’re like, oh, well, if his mind is telling me this, then I should go and do this with my body. But at no point, is there a, let me actually feel my body. Let me sense. Does it need action and power?

[00:28:58] Does it need quiet and [00:29:00] rest? Does it need flow and movement? Does he need nourishment in the sense of. What does he need? Because what you might need is to go on a walk while at the same day, I would need to go lift heavy weights. And just because I lift heavy weights, you know how it is like one per one mind does something to a body.

[00:29:18] And then that mind tries to go beats all other minds that all bodies only need that one thing. Everybody should be doing. The thing I’m doing. And I mean, it’s also like I’m talking a little down on the mind, but the mind is like incredible. It’s an incredible thing, obviously. And it carries, it can carry too much weight, like being overburdened, give the minus to make decisions.

[00:29:44] It’s sort of like a family let’s imagine the mind is the father, the body’s the mother and the heart is the child, right. The soul of the child, whatever. Now the father feels that he is responsible for this fabric. [00:30:00] Fair enough. But now this father is deciding the best way to be taken care of everyone is to make all decisions for them by never listening to them.

[00:30:13] Right. He wakes up, he lives in a separate group in the morning. He thinks through what they all could meet and he writes down order. And then he sends them to them and they end their separate groups reading it and they have to do it no matter how they fucking feel. Father thinks it would be good for the son to do this and mother to do that.

[00:30:32] This is never going to work like this would never lead to nobody would ever think this is probably a good way to raise a family.

[00:30:41] RA: that’s a great way. It worked very well when, uh, when leading countries and communism,

[00:30:45] SE: Everybody

[00:30:46] RA: so-and-so many units of.

[00:30:47] SE: Yeah, everybody was super well fed. And, uh, you know, recently, because socialism is getting a Compaq, at least on social media, there was somebody that was writing. There was a meme where somebody was like [00:31:00] saying, you know, uh, the bread lines during communist Russia were actually not as bad as this story and straight to portray because there was a lot of community and connection.

[00:31:14] That was involved during those Bret lights. I’m like, yeah, I bet that was a lot of communal feeling of waiting hours and hours and hours for a piece of dry bread because you’re hungry and your family is hungry. Sure. That sounds, that sounds fair to me. That makes sense. I mean, nobody would ever come up with that idea, but so today’s life.

[00:31:39] That is what we do. We say the mud, like even when we say, oh, I’m taking great care of my body, we’re not saying I’m listening careful to my body. I hear to my body’s intuitions and sensations and feelings are respond to them and respect them. No, we just say my mind is also making some time and making decisions and thinking thoughts that impact the.[00:32:00]

[00:32:00] Right. It read a study. So now we’re doing this action, but at no point during the action, do we feel like, how does this actually feel? Does this, how does that affect me really? Is it really good? No, we’re just like, this is good. Oh my God. I feel so great. I feel amazing. I’m doing this new thing. It’s incredible.

[00:32:19] And then like three months later, you meet the same person. You’re like, you’re still doing that thing. Oh no, no. Uh, it was not that good. Uh it’s like, well, how did it feel that incredible. And I met you through, you know, three weeks into it or something. Well, I don’t know. Um, it’s, um, mind eating up all the space and there’s no holy Trinity anymore.

[00:32:41] There’s no. Heart. There’s no body, there’s no soul, no space for all these dimensions that completely complete us and make us whole and holy and make us the whole thing that we are represent the whole, all of us. Like the whole of you versus just a [00:33:00] piece of you. And I never noticed how many things I would think while under the impression that.

[00:33:12] That I’m giving a different member of myself the priority right now. Now I’m going to take care of my body. What should I do for the body? But it’s still the most. And he’s in control thinking. The only thing I paid attention to, the only thing, listen to, ah, I should, I need to take better care of my heart.

[00:33:33] I wonder what can I do to take better care of my heart? Well, maybe I should read a couple of books about the heart and maybe, you know, what would be good for the heart? I have an idea maybe every morning I say three months of the heart and at no point to actually relate to the heart, feel it to sit with it for a moment, try to connect it.

[00:33:50] Just instantly just thought, thought, thought, thought, thought, thought.

[00:33:54] RA: Yeah. Th th the most pronounced experiences I’ve had with [00:34:00] that were like on, on like meditation retreats and LSD trips. And it was in both cases, it was kind of like where I, you know, try to go inside and focus and then whatever, I, you know, I want to focus on my breathing and then I realized, wait a second.

[00:34:19] I would focus it. I have like a mental simulation of my body expanding and going together. And it’s kind of in sync with what my body is doing, but there’s like so much like virtual overlay over the actual experience, you know? And then, Um,

[00:34:36] and the same, you know, the same way with other things where it’s like, oh, okay, this is actually not perceiving what’s actually going on, but kind of.

[00:34:47] 15% perception and 85% a simulation. Well, right. And then, okay. And then, okay, this is not it. All right. Where is it? And then sometimes there’s like layers and layers and layers and be like, Hey, [00:35:00] this is,

[00:35:00] SE: Yeah.

[00:35:03] RA: Yeah.

[00:35:03] SE: Uh, you know, I think this,

[00:35:05] RA: And then also,

[00:35:06] SE: go ahead.

[00:35:07] RA: go ahead. There you

[00:35:08] SE: No, you go, you know how much I’ve talked today? I’m grateful for every second of not talking.

[00:35:15] RA: I, I, I almost feel like this is too, too big of a departure of over where we’re going, but in general, the, the, the, uh, the separation of mind, body, and soul or whatever, right. Where, um, at some point you could say like, oh, it’s, it’s like one different aspects of the one, right. Where there’s actually a lot more overlap sometimes.

[00:35:40] Then what. I think about, know what we mentioned a lot when we are working well, when we use it as a working model,

[00:35:48] SE: Yeah. Even the way I was, I’m talking about this as, as if they’re completely different units. Now, even in the example of the family, even if it’s three different human beings, the [00:36:00] system of the family, I mean also genetically they’re connected to each other, but the system of the family will make how they feel and how they act and what they do.

[00:36:10] Three different silos that interact at certain moments, but we’ll make them actually a symbiotic system that at all times is influenced and considered and recreating or creating what everybody else does. It, there’s a rhythm and a dance and a dynamic that makes you do certain things that if the other two existed didn’t exist, you would never do.

[00:36:33] So, you know, the mind, the body, the soul. It’s not it’s, those can be separated and the way that we perceive them or work with them, a few of them, but they’re obviously all part of one whole. The thing is that when these things are not in harmony, when these things are not in flow, not in a rhythm, not alignment, then [00:37:00] there is no wholeness and that’s, that’s like, then you are actually.

[00:37:06] Always missing something or it projects outwards towards the world becoming a so overwhelming complicated burdening difficult experience, usually points back towards the inner being, not being whole wholly because these different dimensions of us are separated or fighting or, you know, disjointed. And they’re also all not in awareness.

[00:37:35] In loving with each other, right? Like having the mind, the body and soul all experienced each other as a team, as one whole as something that, where every part loves the other part and works with it and trusts it in different dimensions is very different from when the mind told me distrust the heart or the.[00:38:00]

[00:38:00] And wants to overwrite everything right. Then you’re not a whole human being and that creates all kinds of havoc. Um, and I think that’s the, that’s the idea or part of a beautiful idea of the, the word holy, right? Like it’s whole being healed. Also, all these words come from the same root, but I wasn’t, as I was looking at my tattoo, which I forget that it’s.

[00:38:28] It is unusual to have wholly tattooed on your body, but I do. Right. But as I was looking at it today, since my mind was on overdrive to prove its worth and to keep it standing right in the family, um, I was thinking, huh, holy it’s four letters. That’s kind of interesting. And I thought, you know, mod mind, body.

[00:38:53] And I was like, those are really the things that I’m like. So I thought, what is the soul? I’ve never really [00:39:00] thought about this. Like when I talk about the heart, I’m always a little bit confused if that’s where the center of the soul is, or if it’s different than the soul, but then what is the heart? Not quite sure about all these things, to be honest.

[00:39:10] So, as I was thinking about it, holy I’m like. different components, the mind, the body, the heart, the soul. Then I was like, if I take the soul away, if I take the last letter away from holy, what I have is H O L so a whole, right. I mean, it’s missing the E, but just phonetically. I’m like whole, like there’s a piece missing.

[00:39:32] Right. Um, and I thought maybe. It was just an idea, but maybe I was pondering when the body mind and heart are in harmony, then our soul is activated. Then we are holy because they’ll in the entirety that activates what makes us part of something greater than just us, us. And then, because my [00:40:00] mind was on such, had the running shoes off today, then I’m like putting away that thought and I’m just trying to sip on.

[00:40:08] Espresso and the next thought pops up. That goes, Hm. What is, what is that feeling when all the parts are in harmony, when you’re holy and I thought peace really? That’s the feeling. It’s like a complete inner peace inner and outer peace. And then I thought, huh, peace. You know, if you think about it from a different perspective, it’s like,

[00:40:37] And now I’m going nuts with this, but I’m like committed to now I can backpedal avoid forecasted and judge that this is not good. Right. But I’m like committed. So, so I’m thinking, you know, inner peace out of peace. I think about wholeness. I think about the soul and that I thought, no, there’s something this certain work you do that is [00:41:00] internal, where you’re trying to create.

[00:41:04] Like an inner peace and in a wholeness that you sense like, oh, I’m in alignment. I feel good. I feel clear. And then on certain states, when you have religious experiences, mystical experiences, when you have psychedelic powerful experiences, but sometimes it could be the birth of a child. It could be just the, the sunset, whatever it is.

[00:41:26] It could be a moment where we feel. Not just like a whole piece in us, but we see how we as a piece connect to everything else to a much grander picture. Man, I thought about like peace as in a piece, in a puzzle, like you find the, and that’s kind of the soul dimension when, when we are completed and we are that little piece.

[00:41:53] Then there is a dementia where we see where we fit into the whole, or that we’re part of something much greater than just [00:42:00] us. Right? And that, that sensation is even greater than like an internal comm. And it’s greater than just a love for oneself or others. It’s something different. It’s hard to describe.

[00:42:16] It is very holy it’s very spiritual, religious, whatever you want.

[00:42:21] RA: yeah, Yeah, Like you said, the. Rather than calm. there’s also like a connection to like a very strong, big power source. Right? So it is very high energy in a way.

[00:42:38] SE: Yeah, there’s something,

[00:42:40] there is a, Type of knowing that everything is good and everything is perfect. Just the way it is. That is indescribable and in comparable with any other [00:43:00] moment, no matter how good your life is, no matter how much in control you are, no matter how positive, no matter how much pleasure you have, you can feel a lot of things.

[00:43:08] But compared with that, these moments. Connectedness with everything. There is a level of depth of knowing that you cannot explain, and it’s not within your mind or hard or body thought within anything it comes from without it comes from somewhere else. And it touches you in that moment. You just know, you know, it’s all good.

[00:43:35] Like it’s just all good and everything is perfect the way it is. And none of it. It’s separated. This is all something much larger, right? That we are part of. There’s a calm that comes through that, through that, knowing that is enlightening and beautiful and blessing. Um, and [00:44:00] so there’s these, I think things we need to do to have ourselves in one place.

[00:44:11] And then from that position, then it’s easy for us to connect that piece to the greater whole. Um, and most of us, many people have experienced. very brief moments. A few times in life, some are luckier that have experienced this more often. Others on top of it have been smart to use certain technologies, you know, substances to recreate some of these experiences in more easy to influence ways.

[00:44:48] But, um, there are many, many tools. I mean, meditation, yoga, contemplation, mindful. Uh, psychedelics for sure. Breathing [00:45:00] chanting, like there’s so many tools to get there. Um, but if I have any, any type of lifestyle and any philosophy where you worship one part and you reject the denigrate, the others will always call.

[00:45:25] Problems and ultimate suffering. And there’s many, many philosophies that are like, oh no, it’s the heart. That’s everything. It just has to be the heart. Oh no, it’s just the soul. The soul. Oh no, we just, the body is everything the body. And then it’s no, it’s the mind. And it’s like, it’s the whole, like, you can only be holy if you love and cherish.

[00:45:51] Every single note together, make the melody of who you are and like the melody of life. And then you little, you, little, couple of notes [00:46:00] plays into the whole symphony of you know of life, but you cannot look at one note and go, this is the note. Everything else, let me reject it. These other notes are bad.

[00:46:11] This is just one note. Do you know the Robin Otto Wilson, one note Johnny story. I love that story. I don’t know why I like it. But he tells this story. This is apparently a Jewish story of like, whatever one note, Johnny that’s playing the violin and only plays one note, day and night, all day long. Just one note, one note, one note, and eventually.

[00:46:32] His wife comes out and is like, what is up with you? You only play one or other people play beautiful. Melody, symphonies, this study you just one note all the time. What the fuck? And he’s like, yeah, they are looking for it. And I have found it.

[00:46:50] Any time somebody is like, this is the only truth. Just do this. I think Johnny one note, right? That’s things. Everyone else [00:47:00] is looking for it. But you have found the one note that is the best one. That’s the only word they want to play.

[00:47:07] The greater our capacity to accept, to appreciate, to perceive, to enjoy, to utilize everything there is the whole year we become, the more we become, the more we can reflect back on the world. And it almost doesn’t matter what it is.

[00:47:30] The more limited you are and what you can accept and find value at. And the more rejecting and judgmental you are externally, this always translate back into internally what you are doing to yourself, because we are all so multifaceted and we all have all kinds of parts all over the fucking place.

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