In this episode I share my thoughts after reading Dostoyevsky’s Crime And Punishment. A much more effortful, and less rewarding read than I had hoped, but I do love how deep it goes into the central theme of the story—which is what happens when we go against our own moral compass.
[00:00:00] The book. Crimes and punishment. I am very much looking forward to reading this book again in five years or something. I’m curious to see if I’m going to enjoy it a lot more.
If you’re going to find some magical, beautiful, powerful, potent wisdom. That I missed in this reading. Because I read the book.
It’s a good book. But it is not the, it is a very impotent book. In comparison. Two on occur. Anina for instance, for me like the writing is not as beautiful. In my, in my reading. The characters are not as. Alive in my reading, I’m more, one dimensional, more caricature, a little bit more of a caricature, not crazy caricature, like, but a bit more of a character, a bit more. One sided simplified one way then in Annakarina. The. Big kind of the way I read it, the big. Struggle that. Is putting on [00:01:00] paper here. The humanized struggle that he’s It’s powerful and rings. True to me. But funny enough, maybe because of the way he is acting it out. To me. In too many ways felt drawn out. In an unsatisfied way. Where there’s. A lot of big chunks of that book. That I. Was not enjoying reading and didn’t miss and didn’t sense. Why they mattered and how they played an important enough role. They.
They all played some role, but there was a lot of throwaway for me, my reading, a lot of. This is now 40 pages. It could be four. And I don’t see the value of dragging me through this in such detail. No matter how I look at it again, could be totally different in my next reading, but this reading. It lacked that to me, this was good.
Where some other books are like masterful. I didn’t sense that. But then I feel like. It is a book that has such a powerful name [00:02:00] that maybe the mastery just. You know, was not there for me in this reading. There were parts of it. I have to say. That were riveting. Right. Parts of it were. I was really sucked into the insane in a war of
Golf. Who is the main character who’s committed the crime. And this constant. You know, hanging thread. Of I’m about to be caught. I’m about to be caught in the, he is a main character constantly putting himself in the most dangerous situation. And he’s just unreasonably playing with fire again and again and again, and at times,
It felt annoying to me and untrue. And it was like, this is too, I’m not, I don’t care about the character enough to care. What happens to him. So then it’s very tough for me to be really like, along for the ride. And other times it was so [00:03:00] fascinating or so riveting that I would, if I wanted or not, I had no choice. I was like along for the ride of the thrill of it.
But it is.
In this reading. A. Display to me. Of. You know, kind of that there is a core in us humans. Our core inner. Compass when it comes to our morals and ethics, like what we add our deepest core belief to be just an unjust, fair, or unfair. Good and bad. There’s something inside of us. That. No logic, no rationale.
No thinking mind can override it can override these things. To take us to certain actions. But it cannot override.
What hell or heaven we going to go through. Since heaven or hell is a place we create within us. And if we think we’re on the wrong side, [00:04:00] Of life of goodness, of honesty of righteousness of justice. We will create health and punish ourselves. To the maximum degree, no matter how much our thinking mind can find excuses can find glory can find.
Flattery in telling ourselves some theory why, what we’re doing is good. These two things are disconnected and you cannot override it. This power in that idea. If that’s the core idea, this is the way I. Experience reading it. There’s a real power, then there’s powerful examples in that book. He gets sick constantly. Isn’t.
You know, he he’s sick physically, which is caused by that moral compass. He is at times has psychotic episodes or episodes where it’s not clear if he’s in the right mind, which is caused by that inner compass. He’s pushing himself. [00:05:00] Way too close to danger, which is that part of him that’s like wants to be caught.
It’s like. Goes to people in places and all, but admits gives them. As much signal waves, the flag she’ll look at me. I am the one that killed her. I’m the murderer. Like does so much. And he, without him doing this, nobody would ever suspect him, but that doing starts creating suspicion and then starts creating in the external world. People chasing him or looking for him or thinking that he’s the one that did it, although there’s no evidence for it.
So he’s creating conflict with other people and creating risk to get people to start chasing him. Right. He is. I mean, he’s doing all that. He is admitting it finally, like he finds a person. That is so childlike, so innocent, so good. So [00:06:00] vulnerable. That it’s sort of like. I think represents. A goodness that he cannot find in himself in the morning in the world.
It’s called the cough is like such a cynical. Prideful. Little. Man, right. It’s like a young kid. That is so incredibly full of pride. Cynicism. Jealousy. And. Arrogance that, you know, Almost everybody repelling, but then there’s this like little. Girl that is sort of impossible to see in that light, in that kind of selfish human.
Shadow darker side. And when he. Finds for, he basically is. Going through a whole process all to go and tell her the truth. So it, it tells her that he is a murderer and has done all these terrible things.
And at [00:07:00] the very end throughout this entire time, he’s fighting this. He is thinking mine is saying. I CA I killed an insect. It wasn’t even a human, I didn’t do a crime. This isn’t even a problem. Killing murder and punishment is happening around the world all the time. Here’s this theory of Napoleon like great men have always been men uninhibited by questions of morale and good and bad.
Who are men that went and took what they wanted. And I wanted to see if I was a man like that. Right. If I could just go and get my, do. As I want it and take over the world without a fear of what other people think. And if it’s good or bad, who gives a fuck? And.
Throughout all. And then any time people that he’s leading on to start chasing him. Once they start chasing it when they don’t want to see it. Like when he’s telling him signals, I. It was me. It was me and they don’t listen. He’s angry at the stupidity. [00:08:00] And when they start listening and suspecting him, he’s angry that they they’re chasing him. Like he’s just, you know,
The entire time. And then there’s a guy there’s one. Police officer. That’s like kind of a Columbia Colombel. Do you remember that show character where he sort of like plays it a little bit dumb, but he’s like the smartest guy in the room right. Is like totally leading him on in Roscoe. And the cop is very intelligent. So he noticed, he knows instantly that this guy’s playing games with him.
And he’s trying to irritate him to make him do things, to say things. And so they’re playing a cat and mouse, little chess board game, you know, of like how they treat each other and how they communicate to each other. Eventually at the very end of the book, once somebody else admitted to the guilt admitted to the murder, although he didn’t do it and said, I wasn’t like put me in the jail.
And there’s no evidence and everybody’s like, huh? We’re crazy to suspect you. That officer goes to him and sits down. At first is [00:09:00] apologizing for, you know, everything he led him on. And then this is a brilliant. There’s a few parts of the book that I really thought were brilliant writing and really amazing scenes.
And at that the entire time. The cough is like, could it really be that this brilliant guy is so dumb that he’s now believed that it wasn’t me. I kind of like, can’t quite believe it, but this officer comes across so honest. And then at that very moment where he’s, uh, he’s about to believe in that officer winks at him and basically tells him I know who murdered him. It was you, right. This is.
No way to change that fact. And then that offers a, tells them, listen, I have zero. Evidence against you. And all the behavior points against you. And I would have such a difficult time to put you behind jail. And I’ll tell you what. I know you’re gonna end up in jail. And I know that you’re going to end up.
Giving up yourself. You’re going to show up at the police station one day. And you’re going to admit to the guilt and what’s called the coffee’s lake. You know, Out of his [00:10:00] mind, angry and thinking this I’ll never do that. This is never going to happen. And he goes through all kinds of considers. Many times you suspect he’s playing with a thought of suicide, right? He’s going to take his own life.
Or you think he’s gonna kill some more people or you think he’s gonna run to Siberia too? You know? Be gone, but. Eventually, and finally at the very last step. He goes. And admits to the murder. And even how he does that is incredibly conflicted and calmly. He goes to his mother. It makes a whole scene. It just, it goes to all the people that love him. And basically makes them get all emotional and afraid for him. And even himself as he leaves these people, because at first he goes there to talk to them. Whatever, let’s say one final time. And then when they get all emotional and like, Uh, loving him and want to be close to him.
He gets so enraged. Because he hates that they still [00:11:00] love him. But they still want to be close to him. His sister finds out finally that he’s a murderer and she still loves him. And he’s like, he’s enraged. She hates her for it. Right. And. He himself is wondering every time kind of in a. Half delirium. Why am I going to these people? Before going to. He started walking to basic go to the police station. He’s taking all these, you know, all these. Uh, extra routes to go to his mother or his sister or this girl, like all these people. To tell goodbye. And he says, well, what I want, do I want their love? And it’s like, no. It’s like, what I want is that tears, like, I want to see them cry for me. And he’s like what a coward I am. What a little, like, you know, he’s like you all full of self hate that he’s so weak that he wants to see these people loving him, you know?
And then he walks into the police station. And he’s like, I’m going to go to this police officer. That’s. That’s like. Has a crazy temper and was super loud, is very aggressive. And he starts a conversation with a police officer and the [00:12:00] police officer is in the best of moods is joking with him and he’s like, oh my God. Remember when you came the first time. I even suspect that you, for a moment, how. It was so crazy how you. He was like super nice. And again, Russ called the cough is like, is he playing a game? Is this true? What is going on? And for a moment here’s about some adversary, a really bad guy. That killed themselves the night before. And as he hears that almost like this. For a moment because a threat in his life is being eliminated in a surprising fashion. What’s called Nick of almost like smiles and things. Right. Uh, it says goodbye to the police officer and walks out of the police station.
Right. And as he walks out, he sees that little girl that angel, that one, like pure soul that he cannot dirty with his mind and his emotions. She had followed them all along to the police station and was looking if you would walk in and admit to his guilt. And when he sees her. He turns around and it goes back into the police station again. [00:13:00] And the police officers like, Hey, did you forget something what’s going on? Or buddy bubble by talks to them. If he’s trying to say words, but he cannot say words. And so he’s mumbling. And then he tries again. And then he says, I am the birder. I did blah, blah, blah. That’s kind of how the book ends, then he.
It took basically. I don’t know. Couple of months of the most intense, inner struggle suffering sickness. Insanity. Fights this, all that. But finally had no other choice than to go. And admit to his guilt, but there was no other. It couldn’t take his life. He couldn’t run a week. Could nothing. He had to go because it is in a compass. It was inescapable.
And the entire time throughout the entire book, he’s never aware of that. Even in that final moment, he’s not thinking, oh, I am just too good. My morals forced me to do the right thing. In his mind, he’s just. [00:14:00] He doesn’t know why he does these things way, struggle so much. Right, but it’s like his. You know, moral compass that is pushing in one direction, no matter how much he’s trying to swim in the other direction. Like that’s, it’s a few dial. Shootout, he’s going to end up at that place.
RA: Even, even if you get away with it. You don’t get away with it.
SE: You don’t get away with it. That’s a beautiful thing about the oftentimes while reading the book, I felt the title is kind of beautiful. Because crime and punishment, the punishment is not really. Dependent on external punishment or justice. And oftentimes I thought. I saw there’s many book covers as many different versions in publications of this book. Jesus. There’s a lot of Kindle versions of this book where the writing the translation from Russian to English is unreadable, unreasonably bad. Um, but there’s like one, couple that I saw and it looked like an old guy, like an old rich guy. So in the back of my mind, a couple of times I thought. Is this going to be. Is he [00:15:00] going to get away with it and then we’re going to follow him along. To old age. And all the kind of suffering that he had to go through because he didn’t get justice when he did the crime. Right. But that didn’t happen, but the punishment will happen internally. No matter what happened. Sternly.
And we know of many cases where in candidly, somebody. Knew they had done nothing wrong. And no matter how much external punishment was forced upon them. They weren’t punished. The people, you know, the, the Jesus story is kind of. In that vein, the story of gun. Nelson Mandela people that we know that. Were unjustly punished. But seemed to never suffer and not. Feel it as punishment of themselves, but more as punishment of their punishers like these people that put me behind bars, these people that are angry at me that hate me. They are [00:16:00] internally injuring themselves. They are going to suffer a lot because what they’re doing is not right.
If they cannot penetrate, they can hurt me and lock me away. But in my heart, I’m happy. I’m whole. I’m, you know, I am. Um, Holy and good. Because the I’m not. don’t have guilt. I haven’t done it. He there’s no guilt. There’s no shame. There’s no doubt in me. So no matter what you do to me, you’re doing these things to yourself, really. Like you’re not doing them to me because you are the one committing the crimes, committing the injustices. Um, And so I will have compassion for you.
And not anger. Right. I mean that, we’re now talking about these. These people in history that seemed to be cut from a different cloth. Right. The above mirror, normal humanity, but
in a similar vein.
RA: they, they. had to work to arrive at that. Right. it’s not like
RA: was old from [00:17:00] day one in prison. Yeah. Okay. I’m happy. He went
SE: And who. And who knows. Uh, with some people like Mandela or Gandhi, we have more history to tell us. Different versions, more details. Eh, even with those people. Who knows how they felt inside what really was happening inside versus what they showed through the actions or their words. It’s so tough to say.
But there is an ideal we have. Right. An ideal of somebody. That. Will not have the need. To you know, that we can give you the other cheek. Not because of weakness, but because of pure strength. And wholeness. And because the, your. You hit your hit, you hitting them is hurting your hand in your heart more than their face, right? Like they, they, they.
You know, are not feeling the [00:18:00] sting because they are clean and pure and whole within themselves. And so there’s no punishment. You can externally force upon them. You can restrict them in some ways and do things to their body, but you cannot make. Their souls suffer the way that The cough is suffering in his soul in a way.
That is like a thousand death sentences. I mean, you read that book. There’s not a, there’s not a single spark of ease, joy. Light nothing that entire fucking book is one never ending getting punched in the face, out in the cold rain. Like that’s all in darkness like this. Nothing nice. It’s unrelenting and that is the kind of state that
Is him cause he’s guilty. Right. He feels guilt. And. The more, he tries to escape that guilt. The more, his internal compass is punishing him harder and harder. [00:19:00] Um, and make him suffer harder and harder. Um, that is a powerful idea is such a true idea. Try to. Try to act. I heard this. Uh, Jordan. said this somewhere at once. And I thought this is a strong, good statement. Try to act. Against your inner moral compass and see how you’ll see how your life will unfold afterwards. See if you can make everything go back to normal and be at ease with yourself in life. can’t it’s impossible. It’s not within your power. Your mind matter. What practices or habits or gymnastics, no matter how much willpower, discipline and force you’ll apply. You will lose when you do something you feel is wrong.
You’ll you’ll struggle. Yeah. You will, you will. Serve. Out. A harsh punishment to [00:20:00] yourself. it’s beyond your control. Apparently it seems to be beyond our. Approval or control. That we will do that.
But damn, am I happy that I’m done with that book? All right. I really am.
As I said, there were moments in the book I really enjoyed,
but. There were moments. It was not most of the book and I had to work through it because, you know, I was looking if there’s going to be. It was part of me that was hoping that the end will have a very big payoff. And so it was like, I can’t leave that book. Without finishing it. I’m going to push myself to the end to see there’s a payoff.
And there wasn’t, it was not even the final three pages where I saw what was coming and I thought it was beautifully described. I was not getting that high. That I get some times I wasn’t getting that. Big reward. I finished it and I went, yep. This is pretty much where I thought we would go. And okay. [00:21:00] This was okay.
But, but I, I’m not madly in love with this book.
You win some, you lose some. the other thing is I’m curious. It would not be beyond me that in six years I’ll read it and then I’ll give big speeches why this is the most important book ever. But my first reading. Was not quite that.
SE: Okay. So this was my take up to finishing the story of crime and punishment. But then afterwards I read the epilogue as well of the book and that added much to my experience as a reader. It’s a small part of the book, but it had significance for me. So we had another conversation about it and decided to record that and share it with you here.
SE: I read the envelope today, this morning from crimes and punishment. It’s like a 15 minute, 20 minute read. That I didn’t do before we talked about it.
And I have to say, I’m really glad I read that. Not that it. Changes everything in some fundamental ways. But it adds.
The only sweet note [00:22:00] in the entire book. Right. Like the book is so full of bitterness. And darkness and struggle. And then the very final few pages. He. Takes pity on the reader. And just ever so slightly, which is really nice though. Ever so slightly, Ed’s just the smallest hint of sweetness, just to just a drop of honey in this better tea.
And it gives you such an pleasure as a reader. You just, it just makes you go. Ah, okay. This it’s nice that this ends this way. This is kind of okay. And. I thought about it. Um, I thought he could easily have.
Done more with it.
I felt that he chose. To do it with this level of restraint and moderation, because. You can’t, if it was too sweet at the end. Again, it would feel false. Maybe it was, it would be [00:23:00] too harsh of a shift. To end that book with some sweetness, you have to be. Great. Great. Michelin star chef to know, to add just.
A quarter of a drop of a drop of honey, you know, Just the right.
just a tiny bit, not to fully break you. And it’s nice. It’s it describes kind of the last couple of years of him. Being a prisoner in Siberia. But it also describes a bit of the. Trial. And how. All this. Evidence was presented. Of. Really kind things that he had done in his life. Helping an orphan child paying for somebody.
Funeral, like all these little facts that the reader didn’t know about. That they brought to the trial to show that this is a. You know, somewhat good person. And then obviously he didn’t use any of the money. He. Um, admitted to guilt himself voluntarily. [00:24:00] He which made a great impression impression on the judge during the trial.
I never spoke. In a way. That would. Be an attempt to lessen his guilt. He usually spoken away.
That would make his guilt feel even worse. And that made the judge. Take kindly to him like, oh, he is a, he is a person that is not trying to get out of this easier. That is trying to make this as harsh as possible on him. Right. The kind of the moral judgments that we make before we, the spouse. A sentence.
And then he’s in. In some place in some remote place. In the.
In the, in jail. And has to do hard labor and. You know, live kind of a, Tough Russian jail life.
But even there. He. It seems like his suffering is continuing in the sense that [00:25:00] he’s taking zero steps to try to improve his life there, to make it slightly gentler and nicer. Like he could try to find a good spot to sleep. And, uh, a little bit better this, a little bit better that, but he’s actively resisting doing any of these things. So he sleeps at the worst spot and he’s making himself. More miserable during his sentence, which makes the, this is also an interesting fact, which makes all the. Other prisoners hate him with vengeance. He never talks to them. He never does anything, but they all despise him. Right. And then this innocent girl, Sonya. That was a major force in without doing much pushing him to go in.
You know, and, and. Admit to his guilt. She is moving to that. To that city where the jail is and is visiting him regularly. And again, [00:26:00] He even despises her at the beginning for
RA: of it.
SE: Yes. Yes. Because they had a moment. See, one thing that happens in the book is that. at some point after the murder, he gets some money from his mother and he’s on the street.
And sees a drunk man being trampled to death by some by carriage. And it’s a man that he recognizes. It’s a drunk man that he meets at a bar before the murder. That by the way is one of the most powerful. Pieces of the entire book. Like if I could only read one thing. I probably would read that part or would recommend that part. Because he walks into a bar to sit down, to have a drink. And he’s like marinating on this murder, he’s thinking about, should I do it? Should not do it. So he wants a bit of alcohol and he wants to be kind of in thought, and then there’s this drunk guy.
That sits next to him and starts talking. And it’s the kind of drunk person. That is very [00:27:00] verbose and that tells you all these stories. but it’s also kind of compelling. So it’s hard for you to pull away from that person. And. That drunken man. The way. Does the Yeskie writes him the way he talks. Is brilliant. It’s just fucking magic. Because at the beginning, it’s just. Uh, slightly too aggressive, slightly too. Happy positive, slightly too. It’s pompous. Right? The guy’s very pumped as the guy comes from great education had a great post in the government. But it’s obviously a degenerate. And his is a drunk art and. He tells him. About eight. He starts off lightly, but eventually slides into telling him. About his life, his wife and his children and everything. And he tells them. About. Horrible, horrible things he does to them because he’s an alcoholic.
But he tells [00:28:00] it to him in sort of a voice. That is positive, but it’s breaking in pain, like in terror and pain. Like the voice is like, You know, I’m doing all these things, but there’s a, there’s a great. Quality of pain in everything he admits to him. Although he’s laughing and talking about it as if it’s nothing right.
There’s almost. There’s the, the. Drunken person that’s on alcohol and can’t quite. Grasp. The severity of what he does. And below there, there’s a version of him. That is suffering and in hell, because he’s so guilty for
RA: fucked up that is.
SE: Yes. And the way the story. Ask you writes that. Is. I don’t know how you know that that’s, that that’s it. Like w you hit the note because I’ve not been that person, but reading, it made me feel. Like I could feel how it feels to be that person who was very, very impressive, very powerful. And [00:29:00] he talks about his daughter at some point.
He has a daughter from a previous, the drunk guy from a previous marriage. And then he married this other woman that has a number of children already. And this daughter, his wife. She doesn’t like her. Right. And she’s always criticizing her and she’s always, you know, If you’re on grateful, you’re not helping you. Not this. You’re not that.
And one day he talks about the story of how his daughter comes home. And his wife is. Exhausted and angry, this, that, and even his wife, who’s also acting terribly at times. He talks about in ways that makes you empathetic. That makes you kind of feel like. Yeah, this is also a woman that’s just way beyond the point of what you can endure.
And. She screams at the daughter, you know, you’re not helping, you’re not doing anything and we’re suffering and the little children are suffering Bubba and this, that, and the other. And there’s almost a moment of like, what could I even do, right. That the little girl, the young girl says. And without saying, go and prostitute yourself. There’s sort of a, you know, even. [00:30:00] She’s like, you know, I have no means no skills, this, that, and the other. And she’s like, well, there are ways that women, young women, you have youth, you have beauty and there’s women that make money for their families this way. But whatever, whatever, whatever. And. It goes back and forth and eventually the daughter leaves.
And then late at night, midnight, she returns. And throws money on the, on the bed. And the way he describes. The wife. Falling on her knees. Crying and kissing. The feet of the daughter and then the daughter crying and then them being all night long, hugging and crying. In painful what the daughter just did.
It’s just like. Holy fuck. That’s the whole scene, the whole, that whole part, the way he writes it. Is so powerful, so powerful. You don’t know who to hate and who do love is just. Such intense humanity in those few [00:31:00] pages. And it’s told in this. You know, red cheeked. Jovial happy drunk, but with this severe pain,
You know, in the way it’s told. Incredible. That girl is Sonya is the girl that, that Raskolnikov. Basically falls in love with in some way. And so what happens, how they reconnect is that. A couple of days after the murder. He sees the drunk guy getting killed by a bunch of.
Horses. And he is stepping into this helper role in is telling them I know where he lives. Elizah over there. I’ve met him a couple of days ago and they carry him into the room where he lives with this whole family is bleeding and all that. And In that moment is, has money in his pocket from his mother and is basically like I have money. Bring the doctor, bring this, whatever it needs. We need to save him. Right. And so all these people come and he eventually dies and he gives all the money to the wife. To pay for all the expenses and the funeral. That’s [00:32:00] how the daughter Sonia gets too. meet Raskolnikov so for her, it’s like my God, this angel, this guy came and cared for my father and his painful, this and this there for us. And only later, you know, she gets to find out that once later that he murdered people. And. So she’s in LA. She, at some point, Raskolnikov, before he went to admit his guilt. Is asking her, will you leave me, will you abandon me? And she says, no, I will forever. I follow you. I will never abandon you. So he goes to jail and she follows him to some town nearby and works there everywhere and goes to visit him. At first it vac system, right at first. It actually irritates him. Why is she coming? Why is she still there? Like.
No matter what the fuck. He’s doing, she’s not. She’s not stopping to love and care for him. But then one time she’s [00:33:00] sick and isn’t coming anymore. And all of a sudden. He’s going in a panic. And needs to know if she’s all right and, you know, ask everywhere around and you know, is getting sick himself until he finds out that. Okay, she’s fine.
And. All the inmates love her and are gentle to her and color mother Sonia, and, She becomes this like good force in the jail where she brings messages from families of people that are in jail or gifts or whatever. Receives and, and, and, and, and sends messages. And eventually.
is somewhere outside and some field doing some work and there’s a big lake. And on the other side of the lake, he sees some. Like some kind of a tribe, more tribal people that live more in nature. Right. They don’t live in the, in the, in the cities. travelers or whatever they’re called and he watches them from afar.
And for the first time has this sort of almost vision. Maybe of his future life. [00:34:00] It’s hard to tell of a free life free of society free of all these peer reason ideas. And. Prides and passions, just being simple people that live in nature and live. You know, freely. And in that moment, Sonia Pierce, because she’s visiting him.
And he turns around and basically that’s the moment where. He sees a future for himself and he admits his love for, so he falls on his knees and kisses her feet and sh and she instantly knows what it means. They don’t see what it means, but they both instantly know what it means. Basically. It means I love you. And I want to be with you when I get out of.
Jail. And he only gets eight years because of All these circumstances that made the judge. Be more kind towards him. And then describes basically. How this is the rebirth of our Skolnik. Any cough. The beginning of a rebirth where now seven years in jail feels like nothing. And there’s hope and a vision for a future and a love in his heart.
And for her, it’s [00:35:00] like, wow, this, you know, she feels that there’s a future in love and this, that, and the other. And then. Those three, ask you rights. If he only knew. How much more sacrifice difficult. Difficulty, he will have to endure. To transform into truly a new life. But that’s for another time, a story to tell for another time.
This story concludes. You’re basically right. Ends it beautiful, like a really gentle, beautiful, but not at no point false at no point. Do do, did I, as a reader feel that now he’s trying to just pander to me. Because he’s treating me like a child, right? Like the read. Oh my God. I think I punched, punish them too hard. I give them too many harsh.
Situations let’s give them some nice little thing. So they feel good the way he writes it. Is very gentle. It’s very calm. No great emotion. It’s just like a, it’s almost like a little breeze [00:36:00] of air when, you know, maybe you were too hot or maybe a little bit of a Ray of sunshine when you were too cold.
Very very well measured. I was grateful. I thought, yeah, I needed that. Like, this is so much better way to the story. Then him just walking to the police station and you admitted his guilt. so that was kinda nice.
You know, and then right after that, I went back to read a little bit about those two Yeskie and about his life. He is a young man was involved in some like radical groups. kind of passively and then was thrown into jail. And was sentenced to death. And they, they put them out on the street and we’re like, we’re putting Blinders on them. And we’re a shooting squat. We’re about to shoot them in the final second before shooting them a message or arrived and told them that Weber gave him the death sentence, changed his mind, and they just have to get off to Siberia to work.
You know that now that’s a intense life
RA: All Right
SE: [00:37:00] Right there. And then he was shipped off to Siberia and I think it was in a prison they’re in a different, very difficult prison for, you know, whatever decade and then got out. And he had a tough life and experienced a lot of diff difficulties. But one of the books that he wrote, I instantly downloaded it because I’m so curious for it. One of the books that he wrote is called the idiot.
And is apparently. The idea came to him based on that experience of almost being shot, but not being shot. He goes, as he was waiting to be shot, he thought about. Even the dirtiest and sickest beggar on the street would be somebody who would want to change life with. Just to be able to feel the air, the sunshine, to be a life.
You had to do to be receiving the gift of life. And so in that book, It’s basically about some guy that experiences. Situation like that. And then is so. Drunk and grateful on life. That at [00:38:00] all times, he basically looks and seems like a total idiot because it’s just like always giddy and always drunk and always so grateful and always saw okay. With everything that he’s like a, you know, appears to be a great idiot.
That that’s kind of an interesting. An interesting idea. I find for, for a book.