Founder & CEO @ Close
Steli Efti Sometimes we don’t learn from our mistakes at all, and we keep repeating them again and again. And sometimes we overcorrect our mistakes so much, that we just replaced one distortion with another. Doing inner work requires a lot of sensitivity. You have to be aware of your own emotional reaction, but then also be …
I recently had a conversation with a friend who’s been through a couple of challenging months. And as he shared his struggles with me, my initial response was to share how I in the past had overcome struggles similar to the one he had described. And now, the conversation was going well… but it wasn’t …
This episode is an outtake from a conversation where I realized how I stifle my enthusiasm because I want to protect myself from the pain of embarrassment and disappointment. One of the greatest things about my younger self was how passionate I was about my dreams and goals (I talked about that in episode 82). …
Many years ago in the early days of Close, my cofounders and I would go out for dinner once a week to discuss the business. These discussions were good, but oftentimes they were just that: discussions. At some point, Anthony said: “Let’s stop talking about all these different things and make a decision. What’s one …
One thing I love about Tolstoy’s writing is with how much insight and empathy he’s making the characters of his novels come alive. I learn so much about myself, and humanity in general by reading Anna Karenina, a novel written more than 100 years ago—much more than I’ve gained from reading a hundred books on …
One of the most insightful books on managing anger I’ve read is The Dance of Anger: A Woman’s Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships, and in this episode I discuss the concept of overfunctioning and underfunctioning. TRANSCRIPT:[00:00:00] I want to do a quick chat with you about the book dance with anger. And …
I grew up in Germany, and spent most of my life there. And yet, I never felt at home in Germany, never liked living there. If Germany was a family member of mine, it would be a heartless, cold, disapproving stepdad—that’s how I’d describe it. But I don’t want to feel that way. My family …
I’ve been reading Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina recently, and absolutely love this book for the sharpness with which he looks at relationships, and how people communicate. There’s so much wisdom within these pages, about misunderstandings beyond repair, painful truths and the convenient lies we sometimes hope for. TRANSCRIPT[00:00:00] okay. So. I am currently reading Anna Karenina …
There’s a popular interview question I’ve been asked many times: What’s one piece of advice you’d give your younger self? To me, a much more interesting question if I could travel back in time and meet my younger self would be: What could I learn from my younger self? In this episode, I share my …
I recently had another IFS session on an elliptical, and this time it led to an unexpected encounter with my inner narrator. TRANSCRIPTI did an exercise today on the elliptical. These should be called the elliptical diaries, really the old grandma diaries or grandma workout diaries, but there’s just something, you know, because I have …
Whenever you pour your heart into a creative endeavor, those critical thoughts can derail you. “You can’t do this.” “This isn’t good enough.” “Who do you think you are to even try?” (And yeah—I’m holding back here. The voices in my head are much harsher.) You can try to fight these voices. That’s been my …
I’ve had another inner work session on the elliptical, and this time I’ve addressed a major emotional challenge of mine: chronic tension. I’ve had a very vocal inner critic that used to be the driving force in my life, and it drove me to success in many areas of my life. But it came at …
I’ve recently had an interesting experience doing an IFS (Internal Family Systems) audio workshop while working out on a threadmill. There’s something about working out physically while also doing inner work with your mind that I sparked my curiosity. Books mentioned: Greater Than the Sum of Our Parts: Discovering Your True Self Through Internal Family …
About a year ago I had my first therapeutic MDMA session, and one of the biggest gifts that stayed with me is a type of meditation. This is the first time that I talk about this meditation and what it has done for me—and while I found it challenging to articulate this in detail, what …
I’m highly self-critical by nature, often to a fault. A good amount of the inner work I’ve been doing over the past 2 years has been about reigning that part of myself in. But now that I’m exploring the IFS (Internal Family Systems) I had a realization: While my inner critic has been the dominant …
I’ve talked about how out of touch with my emotions I was here many times. One of the things that helped me changes this tremendously was a very simple exercise: I simply started to name my emotions. In this episode, I share how I’ve benefitted from naming my feelings. TRANSCRIPT[00:00:00] Right around the time when …
In this episode, I talk about when parts of myself are at conflict with each other. I’m the type of person that’s very good at pushing myself to do things, I’ve got a strong inner pusher. But there’s also a part of me that sometimes just want to relax, take it easy and goof off. …
In this episode I talk about an idea I’ve been exploring for a while now: That we’re all made up of different parts, and how they often conflict with each other. There was a time when I thought the best way to deal with the undesirable parts is to just eliminate them, to get rid …
There’s a reason why being true and authentic matter so much to me: I know what’s on the other side. When I was young, especially during my early teenage years, I lied a lot, habitually. In this episode, which is a conversation I’ve had back in September of 2020, I share my long and winding …
The past couple of weeks being back in Germany, I’ve started doing what Germans do a lot: think, and think, and think some more. It got to the point where it feels out of balance: too much introspection, too much heavy self-analysis, too much thinking and reflecting, and not enough living for the moment. At …
Here’s a book recommendation. A very quick and easy read, but one that moved me nonetheless and that I gifted to my nephews and nieces. TRANSCRIPT [00:00:00] I read the both died at the end[00:00:02]and it is a recommendation. I recommend you read the book. I shall do so for sure. Yes. You asked when …
There’s a magic to going into a situation completely open, unprepared and without a plan, and improvising your way into a beautiful dance. Even though there’s always the risk that instead of a beautiful dance, you just stumble and fall flat on your face. But if you’re not willing to get lost, you’ll never find …
I never would have expected that pigeons could teach me something about myself—but some of life’s most valuable lessons come in surprising ways. TRANSCRIPT: In this episode of the podcast, you’re going to hear a conversation that Romina and I had back in mid December, 2020 when I was still in Austin. And I had …
I’ve been reading a book about personal change and anger, and one paragraph early on in the book stood out to me: [If you want to change yourself, do it] very slowly, no matter how crazy or self-defeating our current behavior appears to be. It exists for a reason and may serve a positive and …